She Creature

(2001) **1/2

I scooped this one up in the very broad net I cast with the DVR the other night to mark the start of Horrorthon. Mostly, I saw that it starred Rufus Sewell, who is usually pretty decent, so I thought it might be an underrated gem. It’s not quite a gem, but it definitely has a few merits. It was made as part of some HBO/Cinemax series where they remade old 50s B movies—the series was called Creature Features.

What’s interesting here, though, is that the creature is a hot bare-breasted mermaid who gets kidnapped by Sewell and his band of carnies who plan to use her to break into the circus business in America. Dragged into this plot is Sewell’s femme fatale girlfriend, Laura Gugino, who had been “playing” a mermaid in their carnival spectacle.

The overall feeling I got from this movie was that it was a near miss from being really good. First of all, I for some reason love horror movies done as period pieces. Not sure why that is exactly—does the attention to historical detail heighten the fantasy, trigger my suspension of disbelief mechanism? Maybe. Anyway, the setting is “1905, somewhere in Ireland” to start, but then the bulk of the movie takes place on a creaky ship sailing across the Atlantic. This actually leads to the biggest incongruity in the movie—the external shots of the ship are pretty realistic, but the interiors are ridiculously expansive. It’s a small 2-3 mast frigate with maybe a crew of 8-10, and yet inside there are passenger suites, wide hallways, voluminous cargo areas, and what appears to be a kickass pub/dining room. I kept thinking of Mary Poppins pulling all that shit out of her handbag.

The other thing I really liked about the movie is the look—the cinematographer chose some sepia-toned lens that captures the old monster-story vibe well. Unfortunately, the pacing of the movie can’t match the visuals or the quality cast—everyone is good, including some recognizable folks in bit parts, but the hottie playing the mermaid is particularly strong. But the carnage and suspense never really pay off, and there’s just too much “sitting around on a ship” for my taste, in the end.