HHD Results: The mutiny was successful!

We may be savage brutes, gentlemen, but coffee is coffee

Let me just say that my heart's cockles were quite warmed by the rebellious rejection of my HHD postponement two weeks ago, and as such I've decided to include those in the pool for the winner. Perhaps I should've declared a surprise end to the contest last week, but I was so sure the topic "henchmen" would rouse all 'thonners from their summer slumber.

But no! My "legitimate" haiku day netted me only three more poetic comments than the day I said "fuck it!" I'm not sure what that says. But here's what you said.

First, upon my announcement that there would be no Christmas... I mean Haiku Hump Day, because I was too busy lounging around at a beach house somewhere, Johnny set the tone right away:

That's total bullshit
I wanted to write haikus
No one can stop me

Thereupon the group waxed philosophical, like Stan:

There's no spoon, Neo
Like there's no topic, Thonners
Bend shit anyway

And Cat:

Nothingness prevails
my mind a near empty void
filled only with cats

From there the form roamed free (sort of, since they were still haikus), and we heard about Lobot's personal life, Q-Bert's trash talk, Paul Stanley's self love and even, uh, what I was doing (thanks to the wife) while blithely ignoring the revolution taking place in my own damn post.

When the "real" HHD got rolling, I must admit I had a doubt about the freshness of all things hench. What with Austin Powers, The Venture Brothers, and The Tick, perhaps the henchmen's plight had been leeched of its comedy.

Perhaps it mostly has, but my little posse of flying monkeys did me proud.

JSP

Best Stormtrooper gig
Ride a dewback, drink some beers
Look for a few droids

Stan

An orc's resume
Former boss: Giant Red Eye
Need references

JPX

Retarded side-kick
He liked to be called Lennie
Good at crushing mice

Cat

Willard chose wisely
rats are loyal employees
and they work for cheese

I was also impressed at the range displayed, my sister culling the obscure outrageousness of a weird Daffy Duck cartoon, and AC giving a shout out to the two poor bastards who took on Rorschach in prison.

In the end, it was this one that made me laugh the most. So it wins.

And R5-D4
Movies would have sucked with him
No motivation

Because Luke says he's got a bad motivator. Ha ha ha ha ha!

So congrats Handsome Stan. No topic is awesome topic after all.

I sign off with a little reader's poll... we've got Horrorthon coming up in six short weeks... should we give HHD a rest a little early this year?