Quarantine

(2008) ****1/2

What's this? Well, yeah, I did it again. I've had a bunch of folders sitting on my desktop ALL YEAR that represent the reviews I never got around to from 2009. Does that make this September pre-Thon rush to finish some sort of... tradition? God, I hope not. But here I am again.

If anything made this movie in particular the one to stall on, it was the utterly thorough investigation of the "found footage" subgenre penned by Jordan (it's here, but I can't imagine you didn't read it). So instead of coming at Quarantine in a big picture way, I'm going to touch upon some of my favorite moments.

You know that way you still hold onto hope for movie characters, even when you know it isn't going to work out? Quarantine threw me a little of that, in the minutes after the front doors first shut. The cast wander into a room that, if memory serves, actually has an open door to the outside, and for a second I actually thought "Oh, there they go. They can just leave out the back. Whew! There doesn't have to be a horror movie after all." And then from the sky drops a all-emcompasing plastic sheet, and then right behind it is a big, anonymous shape, all heavy boots and purpose, and the soldier nails the sheet to the building with some military-issue pneumatic tool, ka-THUNK, ka-THUNK, ka-THUNK.

And there's the movie poured into a shot glass for you. It's the thinnest of borders, just a sheet of plastic, but you are on THAT side and you better believe it.

I also loved Greg Germann, who I know as the boss guy on Ally McBeal (yes, I watched it for the first season, shut up). He plays the vet who is the closest thing they have to a doctor, and in his pajamas delivers a disarming performance as the scientist who figures out everything. Seeing a connection between their situation and to real-life rabies, he points out "after symptoms manifest, rabies is 100% fatal." Which is where I looked at Julie and we went "whuh?" together. "Really?" (Yes, really. A good touch of plot realism to match the hyper-real movie format.)

When someone questions my vet buddy, he just points to the examples on the tables before them: "fever, drymouth...fever, drymouth...etc." A guy who gives cats shots most of the day, but who went to fucking school, man.

Back then Zack had regular fussy wakeups most nights, and I had a moment when I paused the movie to lull him back to sleep. At that point the method was just a short visit, and I rubbed his back and told him it was okay... and then I felt the world of the movie creep in upon me, and in that world all such soothing words would be LIES. Yikes! I shook my head. Horrorthon can get to you best in the middle of the night.

I hold back on the full five stars for peevish logistical details. As with any zombie-type movie, the disposition of firearms is an important thing, and Quarantine lets some guns fall through the cracks. There's even an opportunity for a "Run! Save yourselves! Take my gun!" but the dude forgets the last part. And at one point the power gets turned off, but when the authorities outside send in someone to assess/aid the situation, they don't turn it back on to help out their buddies. I mean, hey, sure, go ahead and shoot people in the head for violating your containment procedures, but you don't have to be total dicks.

And omigod I LOVE Jennifer Carptenter. You all of course know her from Dexter.

What? You're not watching Dexter? What is wrong with you?